A New Year

The woods are tangled. The trees support each other and they fail each other. There is death and then there is life. Sometimes there is still life where you think there is none.

As I walked today – this perfectly bright blue day – bending underneath the empty branches of winter trees, crunching through the moss and leaf-covered ground, I considered my feelings for this year almost finished, and thought of what I might want for the year about to begin.

Just like the woods, I too have felt the seasons. Some parts of my life seemed to die, but with another sunrise, a new shoot appeared to surprise me. I have been elated, I have given up, I have slept and I have woken. I have nurtured; have been nurtured. Some days I sank into the bog, some days I basked in the warmth of the sun on fresh grass, but every day I felt something and every day I continued to live.

I proved to myself, and to my dearest friend, that I could pull through when it was needed the most. I know now that I can be strong and faithful, give love and practical assistance, with a heart and a half, no questions. What I learned from that experience is deep and personal and they are lessons I will forever cherish.

I followed my desire to learn more in a farm environment. I said: “if I have to do it alone, then so I will.” And I went to Italy with my young daughter so that I could touch my dreams of mountain views, self-sufficiency, animals, and decide if I really wanted them.

I thought I could leave the water because I wanted those dreams so bad, but then I realised that life is more complicated than that. Just like the trees, life gets tangled and right when you think there will never be enough light for flowers again, bluebells begin to emerge and you know you must stay to untangle those branches and enjoy the blooms.

Every dream has its time and with faith, my time will come.

And so it is that I enter into this New Year on another boat. A much cheaper boat, an older boat, but a better boat with a side hatch and window doors to the front and roses and castles ... and somehow I didn't realise how much I needed the water until I left it for a while. Now, perhaps, just perhaps, I can see how other dreams will be able to run alongside this one.

So next year there will be travels, and there will also be a home on water, and I think that is what they call compromise. Just as buds jostle for light in the thick undergrowth, so must we all dig deep within ourselves to find the light that will allow us to keep growing together.

I guess I want nothing in particular for next year other than to listen to my inner self, stay honest and true and keep this gypsy heart of mine beating to its own drum.

Whatever your own hopes and dreams are for this coming year, I hope that they are based on truth and I hope that it will not be fear that stops you from achieving them.

Wishing you all every happiness for 2013!

“The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life.” ~ Leo Tolstoy